i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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