eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
