Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
