she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
