We're like a lot better than the average bears
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You've changed since you got that strap on
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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