Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
