New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
