He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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