Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
