This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
