I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
