im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
