Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Actions speak louder than pants.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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