You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
