That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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