I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
