well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He passed out mid-signature
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
