OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
