i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
