Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
