I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My vagina is officially offended.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
