I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
