he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
