I want to have your abortion
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
