Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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