What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
