Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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