People with herpes should wear stickers.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
