let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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