Fuck appropriateness.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
