he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
