I hope my margaritas pass through security.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
