all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
