I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
