Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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