Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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