the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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