I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
