The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
