he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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