I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
