i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He better not be in your backpack
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
