Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
