there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
