This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
