He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
