Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
