No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
