I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i love accidental penises.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
