I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
