At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
