I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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