brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
