I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
