Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
