so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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